PAST EXPERIENCE

Past experiences, from childhood on, greatly impact how we are able to handle loss in the present.

What other losses or severe changes have we faced in our childhood, adolescence, adulthood? How frightening were these experiences? Was there good support? Were feelings allowed to be expressed in a secure environment? Has there been a chance to recover and heal from these earlier situations?

What other life stressors have we experienced prior to this recent situation? Has there been a move to a new area? Were there financial difficulties, problems or illness with another member of the family or with us?

What is our previous mental health history? Have there been bouts with depression? Have we harbored suicidal thoughts? Have we experienced a nervous breakdown? Have we been treated with medication or been hospitalized?

How has our family cultural influences conditioned us to respond to loss and the emotions of grief (e.g., stoic father, emotional mother, etc.)?

RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PATIENT

No outsider is able to determine the special bond that connects two people, regardless of the relationship, role or length of time the relationship has been in existence.

Our relationship with the patient has a great deal to do with the intensity and duration of our sense of loss due to their illness and impending death.

What is the relationship? Is the patient a spouse, child, parent, friend, sibling, or co-worker?

How strong is the attachment to the patient? Is it a close, dependent (healthy or unhealthy) relationship or intermittent and independent? What is the degree of ambivalence (the love/hate balance) of the relationship?

It is not only the health of our loved one which is gone, but the role that person played in our life is also lost.

How major is their role? Is that person the sole breadwinner, the drive, the handler of financial matters, the only one who can fix a decent dinner? Is that person a main emotional support, an only friend? How dependent are we on the role that person filled?

CICRUMSTANCES SURROUNDING THE ILLNESS

What warnings were there that something would happen? Was there time to prepare? Time gradually to come to terms with the situation? Or did it come so suddenly that there was no time to anticipate it?

Do we feel that this situation could have been prevented or forestalled? How much responsibility are we taking for it? Guilt is a normal, common feeling in regard to our sense of responsibility surrounding the illness. Can we take comfort in the knowledge we did the best we could with what we knew at the time?

Do we feel that the patient has accomplished what he or she was meant to fulfill in this lifetime? Has his/her life been full and rewarding? How much does he/she still have to look forward to?

 

 

(Simplified Chinese Translation)

 

• 人生經歷

  從兒時起的人生經歷深刻地影響如今我們如何看待親人的離去。

  在我們的童年、青少年和成人時期可曾面對過其他親人逝去或重大變故？這些經歷可怕嗎？是否有足夠的安慰?我們的悲傷情緒是否在安然的環境下得以表達？我們的心緒在這些早期經歷後是否有機會得到恢復和治癒？

  這次情勢之前我們是否經歷過其他有壓力的人生處境？如果有，是另外一種新情況嗎？我們自己或另一名家人是否遭遇經濟困難，難題或疾病？

  我們從前的心理健康史是何情形？情緒是否反復低落？我們是否有自殺念頭？我們經歷過神經崩潰嗎我們是否服用過治療藥物或者入院治療？

  我們的家庭文化如何影響我們對親人逝去和悲傷情緒所做的反應（如，父親的淡泊、母親的多愁善感等等）。

   

  與病人的關係

   

  外人很難判斷連接兩個人的特殊紐帶，不管這兩人是什麽關係、不論這段關係已存在多久。

  我們與病人的關係很大程度上與以下因素密不可分：病人的疾病和即將來臨的死亡讓我們産生的損失感的强度以及持續時間的長短。

  那麽是何種關係？病人是我們的配偶、子女、父母、朋友抑或是同事？

  我們與病人的依存關係強烈嗎？是密切的、依賴（健康或不健康）的關係或者是斷斷續續、相互獨立的關係？與病人的關係的矛盾面（愛/恨）如何？

  我們的患病親人不但失去了健康，而且在我們生活中所扮演的角色也逝去了。

  他/她在我們生命中主要扮演什麽角色？是家裏唯一的頂梁柱、動力、家庭理財者，還是家裏唯一能準備地道晚餐的人？他/她是情感方面的主心骨嗎？只是位朋友嗎？我們對他/她所扮角色的依賴程度如何？

   

  有關該病情的其他情況

  在疾病發生前有過什麼警告？有時間應對嗎？是否有時間逐漸趕上情況的發展？或者情況發生地非常突然，沒有時間預測？

  我們是否想到這種情況本來可預防或預測到？我們應對此負多大責任？想到患病的負責，負罪感是正常、常見的情緒。在當時的情况下我們已竭盡全力，想到這點我們是否會感到安慰？

  我們是否認爲病人在其生命中已完成了他/她的使命？他/她的生命是否充實而有意義？他/她還有什麽未了心願？